What do I deserve?

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"I can't breath and my heart feel stuffy, the same action keeps replaying in my head"

The title might be depressing but I am trying to write a less-depressed post.
I am not in the state of depression, by the way.
I got lost in my emotions sometimes.
Maybe because I always decided to write when I am sad or overthink things.
That's why the posts sounded soooooo depressed 😌
And I realized that my negative posts made my friends worried?
Making people worried are not the best thing I would do pun.

So today I decided to write while I am at my happy state.
Besides being with Iskandar, there are so many things that could make me happy.
I just avoided doing it.
Instead of doing things that could make me happy, I always got myself doing thing that I just wanted to do before thinking about the side effects.

First thing on the list is always to write in my bullet journal.
This blog might contain a lot of my worse side but my brighter side is all in the journal, written physically.
I don't planned that.
Oh!
I started a new bullet journal for October.
Because I found a lot of things that inspires me so I decided to write them in the journal.

I've also been listening to songs that help.
Songs that help me with my anxiety, being lost etc etc.
Not gonna explain further because I hate sharing something that I might get judged later.

I have also been making some new friends.
And they're all so nice to me.
Although I know making internet friends is a nonsense idea because I can never meet them since they live so far away from me.
But I love the idea of having internet friends.
At least we have the same interest.
They don't know me personally so when I share things with them, they never judge.
And they are so good with words.
Words that I need.
Even right now, a friend of me is spamming me with positive words that I need 💓
Do I really deserve that?

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